Human beings are hard wired for social connection. We evolved as tribal beings. We relied on each other to survive. We need healthy social interactions in order to THRIVE.
We often connect with others in adulthood the same way we did with our childhood caregivers. In the Still Face Baby Experiment video you can watch how hard wired we humans are for connection. And, how vital it is for our overall wellbeing.
How we engaged with our caregivers as children determines our attachment style; the way we behave when in relationship with others into adulthood. We will address the four main types below. However, one can develop a combination of these styles.
Anxious Attachment shows up in romantic relationships with high levels of anxiety and a NEED for a partner. There is a strong desire for approval, support, and responsiveness from others. Emotional closeness is priority and it may be hard to regulate emotions at times when support and intimacy are perceived as absent. Co-dependency can exist in individuals with this attachment style.
Avoidant Attachment shows up in romantic relationships with independent, emotionally dismissive behaviors. There is a strong belief that one doesn’t need relationships with others. And, a belief that others shouldn’t depend or rely upon them. Emotional closeness is avoided and feelings are hidden or suppressed. Co-dependency can exist in individuals with this attachment style.
Disorganized Attachment shows up in romantic relationships with unstable and oscillating behaviors. There is a mix of both desire for closeness with another human AND a fear of it. Emotions are generally not regulated well and emotional intimacy is often avoided yet strongly desired. Co-dependency can exist in individuals with this attachment style.
Secure Attachment shows up in romantic relationships with a sense of interdependence. One is able to easily depend on others yet is also comfortable being alone. A securely attached person accepts that others will rely on them. However, they know they are not responsible for the emotional wellbeing of other adults. The relationship is based on honesty, tolerance, and emotional closeness. Emotions are generally expressed openly with a sense of relative ease, comfort, and nurturance.
We have the ability to heal from our attachment wounds.
One way we do this is through the development of a safe and secure attachment with a mental health therapist. We are here for you if you are in need of one.
“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh